but it took time for her to feel comfortable.”
The emerging appeal of **polyamory and various non-monogamous arrangements** has been striking in recent times, with many professionals linking this trend to occurrences like the inaugural Trump election and the **COVID-19 pandemic**, which both disrupted conventional sexual and romantic ideologies. Whatever the causes, data from **dating platforms** and **search engines** shows that non-monogamy is increasingly capturing people’s attention.
For those recognized online for their polyamorous lives, managing relationships—particularly during breakups—presents distinct hurdles. While social media serves as a vital resource for minority groups seeking visibility and shared experiences, the very public aspect of their lives complicates personal emotional distress.
### Social Media Followers and Their Intrigues
“Some individuals feel an odd sense of entitlement towards content creators,” remarks Michelle Hy, a polyamory content creator from Portland who goes by **@PolyamorousWhileAsian**. “I’ve established clear limits regarding what I share about breakups or de-escalations. If it’s a friendly situation, I might use it as an opportunity to demonstrate that these changes can occur. However, if it’s more contentious, I prefer to keep it private.”
Within the polyamorous scene, “de-escalation” means lowering the degree of closeness or engagement in a relationship while still keeping a bond. For example, a pair might choose to stop cohabiting yet continue to date, considering this a de-escalation. “At times, people want to know every single detail—who did what—which I get, but it can come off as intrusive,” Hy continues.
Other polyamorous creators resonate with Hy’s experiences of public observation. Gabrielle Alexa Noel, a queer sex and polyamory educator known as **@gabalexa**, remembers how her breakup was received by followers. “While I was mourning, people would post comments like, ‘Aw, you both were adorable, *I’m* mourning your breakup,’ which made me feel trapped,” she shares. “People anticipated comments from me, my partner, and his other partner. We all decided to refrain from posting about it to prevent our situations from being weaponized. Yet, even then, people craved a narrative with a beginning, middle, and neat conclusion. Life simply doesn’t work that way.”
Although social media is instrumental in normalizing diverse lifestyles, it also blurs the distinction between private and public life. It’s easy to overlook that content creators are revealing portions of their lives as a generous gesture, often at a personal expense. “We become accustomed to viewing the public image and forget that it’s merely the facade,” New York-based queer artist **@jonzu** explains. “It presents well on paper and it is in real life too, but you won’t always perceive the everyday efforts.”
When functioning optimally, social media provides representation and collective happiness, but it can never encompass the intricacies of an individual’s existence.
### The Court of Public Opinion
It is widely recognized that **women, people of color, and queer individuals** encounter significantly higher levels of online harassment. Not surprisingly, polyamorous influencers encounter comparable obstacles. Hy, who concentrates on intersectional polyamory as a queer Asian woman, comments, “I want to display more varied instances of polyamory, yet it’s disheartening that I can’t do so without jeopardizing those I care about.” Followers frequently exhibit **parasocial expectations**, seeking personal insights and imposing unrealistic demands on influencers.
Noel has encountered similar strains. “My ex and I identify as Black, yet none of my other partners do. After we ended our relationship, I felt tremendous pressure online to engage with another Black individual,” she explains. “I generally date people of color, but I don’t wish for my dating decisions to be dictated by societal demands.”
Critics also contribute, complicating matters further. “During my breakup, I came across remarks like, ‘I’m just here to watch this fail’ from those opposed to polyamory. I never want them to feel validated,” adds Noel.
### Establishing Boundaries as a Polyamorous Influencer
To tackle these difficulties, polyamorous influencers are deliberate about delineating boundaries. “I initiate specific discussions with people early on, even during initial meetings,” states Noel. “If we snap a photo and I share it, people might check out their profiles and engage. Sometimes over 5,000 individuals will click on my friends’ profiles after we vacation together!” Although most of this interaction is harmless, greater visibility also raises the chances of experiencing harassment.
Noel reviews how her Puerto Rican partner of more than four years encountered racial harassment solely due to their relationship. “It wasn’t triggered by anything particular—just our association. It made her uncertain about being tagged in posts for a period,” she clarifies. “She’s fine with it now, but it required time for her to feel secure.”