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**Dating Platforms and the Marginalization of Queer Communities: Perspectives from *The Love Fix***
Utilizing a dating application that was not crafted with you or your community in consideration can foster a distinctive feeling of alienation. This is especially applicable for queer individuals, as the majority of dating apps were initially intended for a straight user base.
This disconcerting truth is one of the several topics that Rachel Thompson, Mashable’s features editor, investigates in her latest publication, *The Love Fix*. Following her first book, *Rough*, Thompson’s sophomore effort delves into the intricacies of contemporary dating, providing an optimistic viewpoint on how we may reignite our connections with authenticity and intimacy in a progressively automated and detached environment.
In *The Love Fix*, Thompson discusses how dating apps frequently neglect the needs of queer users, remarking that “our social scripts for dating are also designed for straight couples.” Her examination underscores the obstacles encountered by LGBTQ individuals as they maneuver through these platforms, which were not constructed with their requirements or experiences in mind.
### The Experience of Queer Dating
Data from the Pew Research Center indicates that lesbian, gay, and bisexual adults are approximately twice as likely as straight adults to utilize dating applications. However, as dating continues to transition online, it is vital to consider how these platforms can become more accommodating.
“There is a distinct type of alienation that arises from using an app that was not designed with you or your community in mind,” clarifies Melissa A. Fabello, PhD, a U.S.-based educator specializing in sex and relationships. “As a queer woman, I converse with numerous other queer women who express, ‘The apps are terrible!’ And it’s accurate—they weren’t created for us, and that carries significance.”
This sentiment is mirrored by academics such as Dr. Carolina Bandinelli, who points out that the inception of most dating apps is rooted in Silicon Valley, a socio-economic landscape that frequently sidelines women, ethnic minorities, and queer communities. “In spite of claims to advocate democracy, these platforms are constructed within systems of inclusion and exclusion that primarily favor white, middle-class men,” Bandinelli states.
Queer-centric dating applications, formulated by and for LGBTQ individuals, have arisen as a countermeasure to this exclusion. Nevertheless, Fabello emphasizes that even these apps exist as a repercussion of oppression. “Oppression consumes a significant portion of our existence,” she remarks.
### Challenging Heteronormative Norms
In addition to the architecture of dating apps, societal conventions and narratives surrounding dating predominantly cater to straight couples. Lucy, a queer woman, articulates, “Women aren’t instructed on how to flirt with other women. Even if someone is attracted to another woman, they might be unsure how to convey it.”
Cultural norms often dictate that men should initiate contact, leaving queer women in a precarious situation. If both women participating in a conversation anticipate the other to take the lead, nothing may occur.
Journalist Siân Bradley has chronicled the difficulties of acquiring the art of flirting after identifying as bisexual. “Dating women feels like an entirely different game,” she observes. “You’re oblivious to the rules, who’s participating, or whether you’re even permitted on the field.” This ambiguity is exacerbated by the fetishization of queer women in mainstream media, which often reduces WLW (women-loving-women) relationships to mere objects of male desire.
“We are perceived as something for men’s gratification, rather than as independent entities,” Lucy adds. This heightened awareness around expressing attraction can complicate queer dating even further. Riley, another queer woman, remarks, “Many of us bear profound emotional scars and lack trust in questioning women.”
### The Significance of Representation
For numerous queer individuals, the dearth of representation in media and culture complicates their dating journeys even more. Cassie, a 27-year-old bisexual woman, recounts how her limited exposure to queer relationships hindered her efforts to pursue women. “Heterosexuality was all I was familiar with—it was omnipresent: on television, in literature, in cinema, and in everyday life. With no queer representation visible, I felt adrift.”
This lack of visibility relates to the notion of compulsory heterosexuality, a term introduced by feminist thinker Adrienne Rich to describe society’s imposition of heterosexuality as the expected norm. Cassie also highlights how toxic masculinity can permeate queer relationships, with some queer cis women feeling coerced to conform to traditional gender dynamics. “It seems that even allies are only at ease with me dating a woman if one of us is designated ‘the man’ and the other ‘the woman,’” she observes.
### An Appeal for Transformation
*The Love Fix* explores these and other themes, delving into dating app culture, the hurdles of defining relationships, reinterpreting rejection, and navigating the dynamics of the online attention economy. It’s an essential read for anyone seeking a more profound understanding of love and connection in the contemporary world.
For those with extensive insights on the subject,