From Best Friends to Frustrated Colleagues: The Reality of Dating Apps
It may sometimes seem like everyone you know has discovered their perfect match through a dating app. From close friends to far-off relatives, stories of online love encounters are plentiful, creating the impression that swiping right is the only means to find romance. However, while these tales may dominate discussions, they do not necessarily portray the entire reality.
### The Truth About Dating App Success
A recent YouGov survey on **How Brits Meet Their Partners** (released in September 2024) indicates that merely 8 percent of individuals met their current or most recent partner via a dating app. To give some context, connections made through friends (16 percent), at work (14 percent), or even serendipitous meetings while out (12 percent) are more prevalent routes to love. Even including those who connected online through dating platforms like OkCupid or Match, the figure only increases to 12 percent. Although not negligible, it is far from the overwhelming majority many might expect.
In a similar vein, a 2023 report by the **Pew Research Center** found that only 1 in 10 Americans in committed relationships first met their partner through a dating app or website, despite 30 percent of Americans having explored them at some time.
### Why Does It Feel Like Everyone’s Meeting Online?
Why does it appear that dating apps are the primary avenue for finding love? This could be due to their relative novelty and the swift ascent they’ve had, which has left a lasting impression. The leap from virtually nonexistent to facilitating 8 percent of relationships in a short span is a significant transformation.
The novelty aspect also plays a role. Learning about a successful relationship that originated from an app might still feel surprising or noteworthy enough to stick with us. Additionally, it has become a prevalent small-talk topic. How often have you heard (or said), “Oh, you met on Hinge? Everybody seems to meet on an app these days”?
For some, dating apps have seamlessly integrated into their lives. The author of this article, for instance, utilized them throughout most of their adult life and even found their spouse through one. Their mother also discovered love on a dating site over two decades ago when profiles didn’t even feature photographs.
### The Dual Nature of Dating Apps
While dating apps can lead to significant relationships, they also come with drawbacks. Relationship specialist Hope Flynn, the founder of the female self-empowerment community **So What**, describes them as “a mixed bag.” She acknowledges that many individuals have discovered enduring love through apps, but she also points out the associated frustrations: ghosting, insincere matches, and conversations that die out.
Integrative counselor Amy Sutton, an expert in relationships and self-esteem, takes it further by calling dating apps an “emotional rollercoaster.” She observes that their success is contingent on individual desires. For casual encounters, they can be fruitful. However, for those pursuing a serious relationship, the process can be disheartening and even harmful.
Sutton has encountered clients who faced anxiety, diminished self-worth, and feelings of invisibility following repeated adverse experiences on apps. Ghosting, breadcrumbing, and other harmful dating behaviors can leave users feeling defeated and questioning their value.
“Dating fatigue,” she explains, “can render individuals so disillusioned that they either shy away from dating completely or partake in it without enthusiasm, perpetuating a cycle of burnout. It can also lead to viewing others as mere objects, reducing profiles to something transactional rather than recognizing the genuine humans behind them.”
### A More Balanced Way to Date
If you’re feeling disillusioned with dating apps, experts recommend treating them as one tool in your dating toolkit rather than your only strategy. Flynn suggests engaging in real-life interactions as well.
“Maintaining a friendly and upbeat demeanor wherever you are can truly make a difference,” she advises. She also recommends attending **IRL dating events**, which have surged in popularity as more individuals grow weary of app-based dating. Social media and platforms like Eventbrite can assist in locating events in your vicinity.
Sutton supports this guidance, stressing the necessity of staying open and curious. “Whether it’s accepting an invite to an event you typically would decline or initiating a chat at a coffee shop, being receptive to connection without the burden of expectation conveys confidence and charm, which can be incredibly appealing.”
And if dating apps are not yielding results for you, do not feel required to persist with them.
“These platforms serve as a tool, not a magical fix,” Sutton reminds us. “The swipe-based, algorithm-driven approach to love often diminishes human connection to something transactional. True love is centered on cultivating intimacy, trust, and genuine connection — elements that require time, patience, and often a touch of luck.”
### Final Thoughts
Dating apps can serve as an effective means to meet