In my early 20s, I seemed self-assured and approachable, but internally battled with an inability to orgasm, whether by myself or with someone else. Despite efforts to resolve this through websites and sexual aids, nothing proved effective, and the accumulated insights only intensified my embarrassment. By 25, I chose to disengage from the internet and concentrate on discovering my body offline.

In Eve Ensler’s “The Vagina Monologues,” a woman finds her clitoris and experiences orgasm at 72, a narrative that struck a chord with me at 18. I was anxious that I might never reach orgasm. I recognized the orgasm gap, where 61% of men orgasm consistently compared to 30% of women, along with research indicating women climax more frequently during masturbation than intercourse. Yet, as my friends overcame similar challenges, I felt alone.

As a budding feminist, I championed female pleasure and empowerment while feeling embarrassed about my own shortcomings. I possessed knowledge about orgasms but couldn’t attain one myself, fearing criticism and failure. Emily Nagoski’s “Come As You Are” discusses that female orgasm requires mental equilibrium, but my anxiety and embarrassment acted as a hindrance.

I experimented with sex toys, wishing for a breakthrough, but became increasingly frustrated. I sought acceptance and understanding from online groups, but it fell short. Friends gifted me a subscription to OMGYes, an adult sex education platform, but I lacked consistency.

Eventually, I gave up trying, embracing pleasurable sex without climax. The COVID-19 pandemic pushed me to face my anxieties. I recognized that I needed to discard expectations and prioritize self-discovery. I set a challenge to masturbate daily without aids, gradually getting comfortable with my body.

A friend’s encouragement helped me acknowledge my growth, culminating in my first orgasm. It felt like a personal triumph, providing relief and alleviating my shame. Though it took time to orgasm with partners, my sex life improved as I no longer felt inadequate.

I’ve come to realize that orgasms can’t be theorized or purchased. While resources can assist, they also contributed to my sense of failure. Confronting my body was crucial. Sharing this journey might aid others who struggle, offering hope that they too can find orgasm, no matter their age.