It’s my birthday, and I find myself at an upscale restaurant in the Cotswolds, UK, enjoying lunch with my parents. As I savor a bite of my crab cocktail, my mother attempts to share something, but her voice is overpowered. A family at the adjacent table is on a speakerphone call, making it impossible to hear her.
The conversation at our table halts, our voices overshadowed by the loud caller whose voice is blaring for an unwilling audience. None of us signed up for this. Several diners at their table amplify their voices to compete with the call. Not trying to be demanding on my birthday, but I certainly didn’t come to shell out hundreds for a nice lunch only to listen to strangers’ family discussions.
What do I do next? I follow the classic passive-aggressive British approach: I let out a loud sigh to convey my annoyance. It goes unnoticed. I ask our delightful waitress if we could relocate to a table outside under the sunshine—success! She has just set up a table on the terrace. Crisis averted. Birthday festivities back on course (more or less). We won’t mention the man on the restaurant lawn who also decided to take a speakerphone call with his doctor. I simply love enjoying my £36 chicken in mushroom sauce accompanied by the soundtrack of your private medical details. By that point, I was bemused, two glasses of wine in, and ready to detach from reality.
Unless you’re on the line with Pedro Pascal, I really don’t want to hear it.
In all honesty: when did it become okay to have speakerphone conversations in restaurants? Unless you’re on the line with Pedro Pascal, I really don’t want to hear it.
Six days later, it’s my dad’s birthday, and we’re looking over the menu at our local restaurant when I hear a familiar sound right behind me. “Darlingholmahaan…Nothing beats a Jet2 holiday…”
This time, it’s TikToks playing at full blast. Is this some kind of cruel prank? I turn around to spot the offenders: a table of two men engrossed in their phones, without an AirPod in sight. Not again. Another dining experience with the irritating sounds of someone else’s phone piercing my ears. As my father declared, “What is happening to the world?”
Important note: d/Deaf individuals and those with disabilities who utilize speakerphone for accessibility purposes are certainly excluded from this etiquette discussion.
Can we set some ground rules for phone etiquette when dining out?
Unless you have an exceptionally good reason, hang up the speakerphone at the table. Nobody wants to hear your loud phone conversation.
If you must take a call, excuse yourself from the table to lessen interruptions for your fellow diners.
If you can’t disconnect from TikTok for more than a dinner (and don’t feel inclined to converse with your companion), please put your AirPods in.
No headphones? Mute your scrolling and read the captions instead.
Think about whether the noise from your phone disrupts others. Reflect on your own feelings about it.
Am I turning into a curmudgeon? Am I like Hugh Grant ranting about backpacks and water bottles? Perhaps! But honestly, if this is what dining out looks like now, I might just prefer to stay at home.