On the surface, *Pee-wee as Himself* seems to be a sincere two-part documentary detailing the life of the late Paul Reubens, the comedic mastermind behind the endearing Pee-wee Herman. However, right from the outset, a creative conflict becomes apparent between the subject and the director. Reubens, positioned in front of the camera and gazing straight into the lens, expresses his discontent over the lack of control concerning the narrative of his life.
“It turns out you’re not meant to have control over your own documentary,” he states, clearly perturbed. He cautions the unseen director, “You mark my words,” pledging to advocate for his viewpoint. Following this, a playful title card emerges like a punchline: *A Film By Matt Wolf.*
Even though Reubens passed away in July 2023, granting Wolf the final authority, the documentary avoids portraying the comedian as the punchline. Instead, Wolf utilizes this creative struggle as an intriguing framing mechanism, reflecting the film’s central theme: the dual nature of Pee-wee Herman and Paul Reubens.
Throughout the two feature-length episodes, the documentary explores Reubens’ life, spanning from his bright childhood to his artistic journey at CalArts, his swift ascension to stardom, the scandals that turned him into tabloid news, and his eventual resurgence. The film navigates how Pee-wee Herman was both a boon and a burden for Reubens, presenting fans with an intimate and nuanced depiction of the figure behind the bow tie. Yet, to genuinely comprehend Reubens, the film strips away the playful, boyish persona he embodied for years, unveiling the fragile, intricate person beneath.
### Paul Reubens Delves into His Queerness and Inspirations in *Pee-wee as Himself*
An avid collector, Reubens welcomes Wolf into his Los Angeles residence, a veritable treasure chest of quirky memorabilia, and shares his family photo albums. These photographs include shots of Reubens in drag during his university years and on a childhood Halloween, radiating an androgynous allure. With his long dark hair flowing down to his waist, he was a captivating presence at art school, portraying varied roles such as Jesus in one student film and an enchanting mermaid in another. (When he mentions drawing inspiration from Cher, the resemblance is undeniable.)
Reubens reminisces fondly about this time of creative discovery, recalling friendships with notable personalities such as Laraine Newman, Phil Hartman, and Elvira, who also shares cherished memories in the documentary. However, the happiness of these memories gives way to sorrow as Reubens openly discusses how his queerness became a barrier to his dreams. He admits to cutting his hair and attempting to “pass” in order to cope with the relentless homophobia of the 1980s and attain mainstream acclaim.
In a touching moment, Reubens gazes directly into the camera to explain the notion of “passing” to younger audiences who may not completely understand the harsh truths of that time. This moment resonates with Pee-wee’s signature tendency to break the fourth wall to engage with his viewers, encouraging them to celebrate their uniqueness. Yet, here, Reubens confesses that he once felt the need to conceal his authentic self.
### Reubens Ultimately Gets the Last Word
Wolf’s team is candid about the unique circumstances surrounding the film’s making. Title cards disclose two crucial points: 1) Reubens participated in 40 hours of interviews, and 2) during this, he never revealed his cancer diagnosis to the filmmakers. While Reubens was aware that these interviews could be his last chance to influence his legacy, the filmmakers were oblivious to the gravity of the situation. This unspoken dynamic lends an additional layer of tension to the interviews, as Reubens swings between moments of profound vulnerability and sharp retorts, occasionally insisting that deeply personal disclosures were merely jokes.
As the creator and performer behind Pee-wee Herman, Reubens carefully managed his public persona throughout much of his career. Pee-wee evolved into a worldwide sensation, featuring in hit films like *Pee-wee’s Big Adventure*, the adored children’s series *Pee-wee’s Playhouse*, a Broadway revival, and numerous talk show appearances—all while permitting Reubens to remain somewhat in the shadows. Yet, this meticulously crafted image began to unravel in 1991 due to an incident in an adult movie theater in Sarasota, Florida, and again in 2002 with separate obscenity allegations.
When the documentary confronts these controversies, Reubens’ voice is noticeably missing. It becomes clear that Wolf and his team had limited footage of Reubens discussing these occurrences prior to his death. Instead, friends and collaborators like his assistant Allison Berry, Debi Mazar, and David Arquette come forward to share their perspectives.