Imagine this: It’s a chaotic Tuesday afternoon, and you’re navigating through the town on your lunch break, arms filled with errands and tension. Out of nowhere, a stranger thrusts a phone in your face, clutching a small microphone, and inquires, “What’s your body count?”

Taken aback, you feel both confused and annoyed. Why is this stranger posing such an intimate question? And why does it seem like you’re obligated to respond?

As strange as it may seem, this situation is part of a real and expanding trend on TikTok. The subject of “body count”—a colloquial term denoting the number of individuals someone has engaged in intimate relations with—has amassed over 917 million views on the platform. From street interviews to sketches and podcast discussions, creators are leveraging the controversy, frequently targeting women and transforming their sexual histories into clickbait.

But what is it about this number that holds such significance? And why is it nearly always used as a means to judge women more severely than men?

The Double Standard Surrounding Sexual History

When was the last occasion a man faced public humiliation or was deemed unworthy of love due to his sexual history? The scrutiny surrounding body count stems from an enduring sexual double standard. Women face judgment, shame, and even vilification for the same actions that men are often celebrated for.

This kind of condemnation is a contemporary extension of slut-shaming—a method employed to control and belittle women and marginalized genders. It serves to maintain purity culture, a belief system that has its roots in Christian teachings and gained popularity in the 1990s. At its essence, purity culture propagates the notion that sex should be reserved for marriage and that a woman’s worth diminishes with each sexual partner.

Sexologist and author Gigi Engle points out that one of the most damaging myths stemming from purity culture is the belief that women lose a part of themselves with every sexual experience. This notion, commonly referred to as “soul ties,” is utilized to manipulate women into restricting their sexual encounters. “Purity culture intimidates us into thinking we’ll jeopardize our chances of finding a partner by being sexually active,” Engle states.

The Real-World Effect of Body Count Obsession

Despite being disproven by studies, these antiquated beliefs persist and shape contemporary dating culture. Research indicates that the number of sexual partners a person has does not influence their ability to maintain a healthy relationship. Yet, the stigma endures.

TikTok clips tagged with “soul ties” have garnered over 437 million views, many disseminating misinformation about sex and emotional connections. These narratives breed anxiety and shame, particularly among women, who frequently feel compelled to conceal or lie about their sexual histories.

According to a Lovehoney survey, 22 percent of Brits have misled a partner regarding their body count, while 30 percent have kept it secret out of embarrassment. Even on sex-positive dating platforms like Pure, only 16 percent of women report feeling at ease discussing their past sexual experiences with a date.

The stigma is so widespread that it shapes how individuals engage in relationships. Research shows that many still perceive women with multiple sexual partners as less attractive or less desirable—an attitude that reinforces detrimental stereotypes and hinders open, honest conversations.

Sex Work, Slutshaming, and the Body Count Dialogue

The judgment regarding body count is particularly severe for sex workers. Online, they are often targeted by podcasters and influencers who portray their work as immoral or shameful.

Consider OnlyFans creator Rebecca Goodwin, who left a podcast after being repeatedly grilled about her profession. Despite her appeals, the footage was widely circulated, often accompanied by critical commentary. Similarly, musician Kate Nash faced public backlash for joining OnlyFans to support her tour.

These instances emphasize how society continues to link female sexual autonomy with moral failure. When adult performers like Lily Phillips and Bonnie Blue made headlines for attempting to break sexual records, the backlash was swift and fierce. Detractors weren’t merely concerned about ethics—they were enraged by the audacity of women to openly embrace their sexuality.

Erica Smith, founder of the Purity Culture Dropout Program, explains that slut-shaming frequently revolves around power and control. “People engage in slut-shaming because they believe that person needs to be put in their place,” she articulates. It’s a method of penalizing women for deviating from what’s deemed “acceptable” sexuality.

Reframing the Dialogue

At its essence, the body count conversation is founded on a flawed assumption: that a mere number can encapsulate someone’s worth, character, or capacity for love. However, sexuality is not a competition or a moral evaluation. Some individuals have had numerous partners, others very few—and neither category is intrinsically superior or inferior.

The reality is that a person’s sexual history conveys nothing about their value or ability to cultivate meaningful relationships. What truly counts is mutual respect, communication, and consent.

So rather than asking, “What’s your body count?” perhaps we should be inquiring: “